one last paper to go...

1 paper down.. 1 paper gone case... 4 more to go..

~Kelun's Qoute of the day~

When they set the paper at this standard, it doesnt matter if u study or not.. the paper is still blank.

there's always a first time for everything ppl say... today i experience my first.. first time submitting nothing for a major paper... yah.. that's my great achievement today... it's computing... stupid programming... cant understand anything.. cant do anything.. and so i made history today... blank submission.. hahahaa... duhzZ...

haven been going to school lately... i have by my own officially declared study period.. but the catch is i am not studying yet... i'm just piling a very very big snowball now... and i wonder how it will collapse in a few weeks time..

anyway.. i have been doing nothing... i actually done something.. i have more or less completed my part of the finanacial accounting project... wat's left is only compilation and some editing.. yah...

next week will be my biggest hurdle before the exams... i have programing practical exam.. having not written a single program during the whole term... the mention of programing scares the wits out of me.. i really wonder how i am going to even hope to pass that module... we shall see...

life is never easy... why cant it be... some people seem to get a very difficult start in life... but somehow things turn out excellent for them... that's wat a third party will think... wat they dun see is that... when things get difficult.. they work harder...

whereas my case may jus tbe the exact opposite... life started out pretty nicely... i do well in almost everything.. but as the going get tough... i crumble.. is it because.. my initial road was too smooth.. so now i couldnt take any hardship? i hope not.. or maybe i just have more optimism in life... and that everything no matter wat will just turn out fine... I hope so... really hope so... recently.. i'm a loafer.. i do nothing.. although not literally nothing.. but practically it's nothing meaningful...

recently, the greeting phrase i get most often is "hey, where have u been? i haven seen u in a long time"... this made me realised something.. the way i have lived for the past few months.. in almost total isolation from outside world with the exception of yanli and my family... almost no contact with other frens... it actually sounds rather sad when i heard that phrase... it makes me wonder.. how much i have missed.. how much of the life of ppl around me i have missed.. not that it's really impt.. but.. it suppose to make our lives more meaningful..

if this period of isolation was actually well spent burying myself in the stacks of notes and tutorials... i would say it's really time well spent.. but that was not the case... that WAS the initial aim.. but... like wat u shld have realised by now... i haven really been able to reach any of my targets or aims...

tenghui ask me a question today... "wat is ur definition of success?" i told him i din know.. but i actually have quite a clear idea of wat a successful ME shld be... i would be rich.. wealthy.. powerful and well-liked... things around me are always well done... although i had an answer.. but i was ashamed to say it.. why ?? cos it seems wishful thinking.. very wishful.. anyway... he told me his definition... it would be "being able to achieve wat you set out to do" that would be a success... i almost laughed at myself... cos if u apply that to me... i would be very UNSUCCESSFUL now.. and i think i really am...

it's really been a very very long time since i last touched a volleyball.. i still love the game.. but i look at myself... i'm ashamed of my physical state... i'm a fat slob.. looking at the positive side... i may be the most agile and quickest person in the weight category.. but here's the problem... ppl in my weight category are sumo wrestlers.. HAhAhAAaaa...

have wrote so much in a long time... it seems i have more words to depress myself today... but anyway... i received a touching message today... from someone close to me.. tellimg me something that i din expect her to tell me on the day it happened.. so i'm really happy for that... little things make me feel that "I" matter.. thanks..

~crap of the day~
Mr A : Hi, I'm a representative from Singapore Toastmasters.
Mr B : Oh, hi. Are you the one selling toasters?? The Toastmaster 2006??

p.s. Toastmasters is an international association which specialises in public speaking.. just so u ppl know..

fulfilling... gained a lot of knowledge today... though i'm still sratching only the tip of the iceberg...

by the way i did not manage to do any of the things i stated in my previous entry..

this sucks.. the little tennis ball has accumulated to become a huge snowball.. and it's rolling right towards me... aarrr!!!

I'm going to CHINA!! May 5th.. it's been 10 yrs since going back to the "motherland".. well... now i have something to look forward to.. but i have many many hurdles before that... homework, tests, tutorials, revision, ippt, exams, practical exams... aarrgghhh... the list goes on and on...

it's time... time to turn on hyperdrive..

~warning~

"speeding kills"

i'm so lame...

Next up... accounting project.. physics assignment.. maths webcast lectures followed by tutorials..

din go school today... 3 reasons... not feeling well... damn tired.. and dun wanna face CS1101 tutorials...

~~~~

i'm a steam roller baby...
that's roll'n down the street..
i'm a steam roller baby...
that's roll'n down the street..

so u better get out of my way now,
or i'll roll all over u..
so u better get out of my way now,
or i'll roll all over u..

~~~~

too bad studying is not an obstacle u can just roll over... duhzZ...

haha.. i'm now in olive cove.. lazing on a couch.. using comp... no one would believe i'm in sch.. hahaa...

my qoute of the day..

"simply ignore everything u have to do today, everything can be done tml, den u'll be happy today."

p.s. when tml comes, apply the above quote again.. hahahaa.... if only life is this great..

spend so much time doing my financial accounting presentation.. initially quite happy and confident about it.. but in the end.. almost every single like kena corrected by the tutor.. so sianzZ, so "throw face", aarrgghhh...

final midterm test is over... only worry is for sociology.. see how.. still lagging like mad on lesson pace... need more haste.. but more haste less speed.. and study stamina is dying..

headache, dizzy,sweating like hell, shivering in cold, stomach pain.. that's wat i felt on my way to school... someone should start sounding out to SBS that making buses too cold aint comfort.. it's torture... esp when entering the bus from a warm place.. sudden change in temperatures cause headache, coupled with the jerky bus movements.. really felt like vomiting!!!!!!!! i'm gonna complain to SBS.. NOW!!

i'm a tenth of a ton.. i'm aching everywhere.. my brain is 386..

rhumatism... ouch...

hungry...

alot has happened in the past 10 days... the majority of the past week was spent studying.. mugging... why cos it's mid-term test week... 3 out of 6 papers are this week.. there will be 2 more after the mid-term break... so yah.. now's midterm break.. but my main itinerary for this short break is catch up.. lots of it... and the dummest thing i did this week is missing my programming midterm test.. why?? cos i din check my timetable earlier... all along i tot my paper was saturday afternoon... so when i checked for my sitting arrangement at noon.. i realised the paper was already over in the morning... my solution?? email the lecturer telling him i was sick in the morning... and so i had to spend $26 to go see a doctor and convince him i had diarrhea in the morning.. haha.. works all the time... the only problem now is that i dun even know if there would even be a retest for me.. sobzZ.. this actually gives me some time to study... i totally haven done anyting for programing..not even lectures or tutorials... HAH!!

valentine's was last tues.. the only day i din do mugging... yah... got a call from yanli in the morning.. cos she received the flowers i sent her.. hehh.. so happy.. cos she's happy... we went to night safari for dinner that night.. we went there for bongo burger... although it wasnt too disappointing but the menu has changed since the last time we went there.. so yah.. think that we would be the last time we are there... anyway there's carl's jr around now...

this weekend is simple enjoyment.. after some tests.. and missed 1 test.. it's time to waste money... saturday night we went to watch NTU's impresario... if u dunno wat's that.. Impresario is NTU's version of talentime.. it's a islandwide competition though.. the quality's better den superstar.. way better... Kelly poon was the guest artiste.. and junyang was her guest.. while me and yanli were sitting just beside junyang's fan club.. so pai seh.. they had luminated clubs.. and scream like there's no tml.. kaozZ... anyway.. the real highlight of the whole show was the performance by MOSAIC.. the winner of another NTU compeition FuXion.. they are not a singing group, they are music performers, unlike any we have seen... that performance simply blew the whole audience away.. it was simply just WOAH!!!!

today went shopping with yanli and spent quite a bit at marina square.. really went shopping.. quite shiok... hahaa.. ate at millenia walk's food court.. had my favourite korean food there.. yummy.. still good... den continued shopping... den bought more stuff.. den decided to watch movie.. so we bought the $48 dollars for 6 tickets package... so yah.. we are expecting a few more movies to come.. haha.. meanwhile before the show... we went to eat kaya fondue at glutton square.. yummy... i like the kaya there.. tastier den ya kun.. ya kun's one actually too sweet... yah.. nice... watch pink panther... it's a just for laughs show... very lame very funny... haha... but be warned.. not all jokes are obvious.. enjoyed myself very much today... gotta prepare myself for a week of catching up...

today the spector found a glimpse of a light... a ray of light which broke through the darkness after a night of grueling mugging... though it was just a glimpse... but it gave me tons of hope.. and satisfaction.. only a single word descrbes my feelings now...

SHIOK!!!

a drifting spector needs a light.. a leading light.. a source of encouragement.. an understanding heart.. and tons of patience...

i still have not found my direction.. i'm now just going straight.. straight ahead cos i have no idea where to turn... it's like walking in the dark.. afraid to turn left or right.. even afraid of taking the next step.. for fear i may end up in the abyss..

but isnt life about taking risks?? every step we take is a gamble.. be it big or small.. without risks.. life is a plain piece of paper... so we be afraid of taking risks?? i guess not.. but if u have gambled many a times... and lost the bet just as many... perhaps u would be somewhat like me.. afraid to take the next step...

i waited and she finally came for me.. for a moment i thought all was lost.. and i was left alone.. in the fire..

the thought of being alone on a deserted island may be scary to some... but i think that's not the worst.. cos u know that that is the situation and things are fixed at the state... after some time u will get used to it...

but now.. imagine u being in the crowded place... there are many ppl around.. having fun.. making noise.. but.. here's the irony.. u are alone.. ppl walk past u as if u werent there.. u become a drifting spector in the crowded.. that sort of loneliness, i feel is many times more horrifying and unbearable compared to the one above...