bad bad news for my physics paper... i only got 4 out of 15 for physics... kaozZ.. that's like the lowest i ever got for any mcq... i think i really getting dumber and dumber... dun even know why i got those ans wrong...

den today got for statics tutorial... i totally cannot understand the solutions which were given by the tutor... a lot of ppl were asking questions... i dun think i'm alone.. but i really dunno anyone in that class to ask... super sianzZ now...

later no vball training.. but i dunno if i shld be going home... got alot of maths and physics lectures to catch up with.. sianzZ sianzZ sianzZ.........

shld not have stayed in singapore to study... shld have gone elsewhere where ppl are dumber.. and the pace is slower... aaarrrgghhh.... now... i'm so slow... so behind.. so stupid.... aarrrggghhhh.......

just came back from IVP training... very tired... first official formal training... micheal ong came down today... the supposed coach din come today... so micheal come and stand in for him... very tired... very long never had formal training... struggle to keep pace... but i survived!!

mid-term is officially over since monday... seems like i had quite a bit of good luck for my maths... the questions which i tikam-ed, i put Bs.. den 4 out of 5 ARE Bs.. hehee!!! so heng right... but!! the 7 qns which i did myself and tot was right... only 3 correct... so back to square one... 7 out of 12.. haha.. at least pass.. dunno about the other 2 paper how... hoping to pass well... pass well... not just pass... this sem i only have 4 modules... so i'm suppose to do well... if not next time how to coped??

tml no lessons again... seriously dun feel like engine student.. haha... YEAH!!! stay in hostel and watch webcast...

just realised i din do as well as i tot for my statics... by that, i meant i totally messed up the paper... die liaozZ... just now the lecturer went over the answers... den realised i did things SO wrongly... super demoralised.... not a good feeling to have.. esp when later still got 1 more last paper...

now me eating lunch... la bai cai mian... haha.. and i bought this sichuan pepper pickles from forum there... and added into the noodles... and wat do i get?? ma la huo guo... hot hot hot!!!!

spent the whole sunday in hall... first sunday in hall... call it a rest day.. hehe.. it was suppose to be a study day... but i was just too burnt to move around and get into studying... haha.. k.. if u know me well enough.. i'm just lazy... haha..

yanli came to pei me today... so nice of her... she brought aloe vera gel to sooth my burns... and yoko yoko & deep heat for my aching fats(dun wanna say muscles, say liao i feel paiseh... :P)haha... 1 new thing learnt today... there's tv for me to watch online.. NUS has TV-webcast!!! hehee... there goes my studying.. haha.. just now we watched The Apprentice on my laptop... so exciting.. haha...

tml.. 1 last paper... MA1505.. that's maths... i'm praying to god knows who for acceptable grades!! hehe... hmmm... actually that doesnt sound very safe.. wat if mr d*v*l answers my prayer... hmmm... there goes my soul... diaozZ... watever lar.. gdluck to myself... hahaha...

i think today's the best day for the past week... yah... most non-depressing... i had a great series of vball games in my inter-faculty games... we came in 2nd too... tough fight... great game... no regrets i guess... yah...

had statics paper today also... not as dead as yesterday's physics.. so i'm not that sad... although i still dun think i'll score well... but still feel better den yesterday....

one more paper on monday... and now i'm in hall.. suppose to be studying for it... but i'm gonna rest first... cos.. i'm CAO DA!! burnt again... played outdoor vball since morning to 5pm... kaozZ... red red red!!!

1 paper down... 1 paper dead... no good news... all news is bad news for now... no good mood.... all mood is bad mood... super sianzZ... feeling super stupid... stupid china ppl... can say the paper so easy... kaozZ.... think they are e only ones who are happy to talk abt their papers... e rest... like me.. all came out of the hall with heads hanging down... 15 mcq... 1 hr... i did only 8... e rest... anyhow shade... hoping luck is still with me.. haizZ.... this is bad... last time.. i will finish everything... check a few times... den just hope luck will have me not miss out anything... now... luck plays a much bigger part... not good.. not good at all... why is studying so torturous?? because i dun have anyone to share the pain with me... unlike back in JC days... i have my class to share... now... ppl i know dun study wat i study... so i cant relate... ppl in my class cant relate to me... studying becomes lonely... becomes a chore... becomes torturous... esp when u cant understand.... life is bad now... studying is bad now... engine is bad now... change?? archi?? art?? NTU ??

it's times like this that i really need someone by my side... but that someone may not be by my side now...

2 more days left any school starts again.. and with that - my mid-term test... i'm suppose to be studying for it now... and for the past few days... i just cant seem to get myself settled to study... haven cover anything for the past fews days... days wasted... nites wasted... time wasted... morale wasted...

wat the hell?? i'm still wasting my time here...

i've a couch potato.. staying at home and abandon my B412 since tuesday... wednesday went for 1 lesson and came home liaozZ.. yah.. den today went ktv with esther & jass.. sang from 2plus to 7pm.. felt quite fast really.. think cos we were enjoying it.. haha.. it's been a long time since we went ktv.. so yah lar.. quite like it lor... left them to meet yanli for dinner..

had dinner with yanli at the glutton square.. if u are wondering where it is... well just beside esplanade... had prawn mee and ckar kway tiao... haha... quite nice.. quite ex too.. but i'm willing to pay for that standard.. hehe.. yumzZ.. went to watch the longest yard after dinner.... very funny... although quite disappointing we dun get to see wat happens after the football match... well.. i guess life goes on...

oh yah.. a lot of ppl is saying yanli looks very nice in the dress she wore to the solemnization ceremony.. that's nice.. hehe.. maybe i'll change the pic up there.. haha...

i'm back home today... no classes today... why?? cos tutorials occur on odd weeks and no lab for this week.. so NO lesson!! hehe... yah... but doesnt seem to be a very good thing to stay home.. cos production rate = zero... yesterday nite suppose to do my physics assignment so that today can do my critique.. but guess wat.. i have started on neither yet.. and the dateline for both is tml.. aarrgghhh...

yah... yesterday had lessons in school... before going off for mummy's solemnization... well.. she's now officially re-married... but no.. i do not have another father... guess me and my sis have agreed on that... yah... the event was held at meritus mandarin.. a few formalities like signing of wedding cert... den took photos and a rather pointless wine pouring session.. haha.. but all in all.. it was quite okay lar.. it was only suppose to be a simple matter.. nothing too elaborate... those interested to see the photos... can follow the link on the left column... hehe..

it's sunday nite and i'm back in SHEARES hall.. it's buaya week... and the corridors are filled will lots of funny stuff.. haha... quite interesting... none for me... den ruoling said mine gotta wait.. so got ppl suppose to buaya me lar... hmmm... i wonder.. haha.. well...

"dear dear, dun worry... it's all just fun laughter peace and joy... "

just now follow terrence one of my level-mates to send present to his buaya... it's a candle that shows a msg after it's burnt... interesting.. but i din get to see the result.. we had to hide.. haha... yah.. quite exciting... everyone's asking me to take part... but well... abit late rite?? hehee...

tml's my mummy's solemnization ( celebration of marriage.. courtesy of dictionary.com)yah... i see it as a formality.. for those who are somehow in tune with stuff happening in my family shld understand wat i meant.. hehe..

and now.. it's time to go do tutorials loh... no need sleep again... zZzZZzzzzz....

back home... somehow feel very "nua" everytime i'm home... cant seem to do any work... maybe i shld have stayed in hall instead... maybe can do more work.. yah.. dunno lar... tired...

this morning went to bukit panjang to play IBG bowling.. i bowling quite poorly... but somehow still got overall 5th place.. but all thanks to my partner.. he was playing well for 1st 2 games but last game quite sucky... my 2 game was the worst.. only 92... almost every frame only hit 9 pins.. kaozZ!! yah.. anyway.. our block din manage to retain the title.. maybe it's partly my fault?? but den.. i'm not that influential.... yah... i WANT to go bowling more often... i want my own bowling equipment... i want to improve... i want to be a 200++ averager.. not 100.. aarrgghhh...

super tired after bowling.. drag myself home on the mrt.. took the LRT from bukit panjang to CCK... i realised that the windows of the LRT are special... when they pass by routes where they are very near the HDB flats.. the windows turn white.. opague white in an instant... den once it's passed the region.. it turns tranparent again.. i was pretty amazed by that.. really din know abt it at all.. yah... but i was still very tired... took me almost 1.5hr to get home...

once i reach home i changed and went out again... cos me meeting yanli at paya lebar mrt to go airport for lunch... we very long never eat the cai fan at airport liaozZ.. not bad lor... after so many yrs.. the standard still quite good.. but got drop a little lar.. yah.. initial plan was actually to do some studying there one.. but i was simply too tired... could only drag myself home to sleep... zZzZZ...

going off to sleep again...

today... is suppose to be a long day... but i decided to make it short... so i skipped all my lectures... only went for my tutorial... MUAHahaAHAa... yah... cos i dun think i'll benefit much from the lecture also... yah.. that;s for physics lar... maths i can go watch webcast.. so stil ok... hehe... yah... went for tutorial.. which is the painstakingly completed assignment which i did last nite... yah... din really got the answer rite... but my basic idea is there... hehe.. feeling better about it liaozZ... BUT... today i realise i was in the wrong classroom all the while... yah... i was suppose to be in grp A11 at classroom E4-4-3 den i was in E4-4-6 for the past 2 weeks and i din realise... KAOzZ!! so dum rite.. but nvm.. this tutor is nice... so he told me he will add my name into his group.. den i just inform the prof can liaozZ... goodie good...

yah.. since i skipped lectures.. i've been sleep since lunchtime.. hehe.. later got IFG vball trials at 6pm... yah.. den tml got bowling... hope i still have time to do my critique... :)

oh yah... dear.. me no buaya... me just kpo kpo.. hehe..

MUWHAHAA!!! i only just finished my statics assignment.. and how tedious it was?? it's only 1 qn... and i took hrs just to do that 1 qn.. super super super tedious... and still dun think my ans is correct... everytime i redo i can get different ans... minght be something wrong somewhere... well.. heck lar.. tml go class den say... now too shagged to think...

today marks the start of buaya week... i din take part... not interested... dunno why not interested also... it's like a joke lar... basically everyone will somehow get assign to someone and u are suppose to buaya that person with ur actions... like secret flowers and gifts and stuff liddat.. haha.. i say it's a scam invented by someone who just didnt dare to declare his love... so he made the whole world to the same thing so he can smuggle his feelings to her... hahaa... or maybe it's just me and sour grapes... duhzZ... yah... although i not taking part... but bystander also not bad... almost everytime i open my door i see something new in the corridor for someone.. with ultra mushy paragraphs... uurrgghhh... hair stand... haha...

just now went to a new balance warehouse sale with yanli..she bought 2 pairs of shoes while i bought 2 pairs of running shorts... seldom find any that could fit as well as those i bought.. so i'm happy.. haha...

we went IKEA to eat dinner... meatballs.... really missed the meatballs... haha... gotta psycho mummy to buy.. den i can cook for myself at home.. haha.. yah... it's 4 plus am.. and i'm not sleeping liaozZ... wat for?? later got lesson at 8am... now sleep later sure cannot wake up one.. den evening still got IFG vball trials... tired.... worst of all.. gotta to the dumb dumb critique... assignment by next week...

wednesdays and fridays are the busiest days for me... most number of lessons... just came back from volleyball.. i think training will start to intensify... not really good news for me i guess... i wish to slack... did about 50 push-ups just now... super tired.. haha... haven done push-ups in months... back aching now... aarrgghh...

just sent my clothes to wash... den after that gotta send to dryer... full 3hrs... no need sleep loh.... haha... yah.. den the cashcard reader for my block spoil again... so i went to block A again... haha..

today i had my dreaded CTW lesson again... the tutor is still as lost... and disorganised.. with such disorganised thinking.. i wonder how can she teach critical thinking effectively... sianzZ... i know!! she can only concentrate on written words... once u talk to her... she gets lost... kaozZ!! yah.... assignment 2 will be due next week... die!! haven start... suppose to start last week...

today's a slack day... done some tutorial yesterday... so today got to class partially prepared... but for the half which i din do... i'm still lost now even after discussion of answers in class.. why is my understanding so poor?? and why is physics so complicated at UNI level??

with all my frustrations.. i decided to go watch movie with yanli... i went to cineleisure to get tickets first... she came around 7.. so we went to eat to the food court... i ate korean bbq... disappointingly little.. but i still ate 2 bowls of rice... my fav korean food is still at millenia walk foodcourt... hehe... best... den we got this weird blended drink... it has banana, honey and milk and some jelly bits... very very sweet.. i think honey and banana goes well... but they overdid it... yah.. that's dinner...

initially i got 2 tickets for the 7.40 show.. but just as we were going into the cinema den we realised it's the wrong tickets... they gave me tickets for Perfect Catch.. when i asked for March of the penguins... den i din check also.. stupid me... so we went to the counter to change our tics... but the 7.40 show was full, we took the 9.20 one instead... so wat do we do in between?? shop lor... walked around cineleisure.. den heerens... den taka... my feets are so sore now... must be the brooks shoes... always make my legs sore.. haha..

so now the movie... finally!! it's the story of the King Penguins... about the journies they make to bear their eggs.. the dangers they face... and the fight to survive... nice touching and sometimes sad story... although in french... the penguin's cuteness is more den enough to keep u cheerful thru-out the show...

so yah... go watch go watch...

tml got stupid CTW again... and guess wat.. i haven done any work for it.. and next week got another assignment due.. so sianzZ... so fast....

i'm dwelling in my room trying to do my tutorials.. done quite a bit... but at an alarmingly slow rate... with plenty of errors... i'm not afraid of making mistakes... but i'm so pissed that i dunno where i'm going wrong... so pek chek... duno what's wrong with my thinking leh... yet i really dunno who i can turn to for now... lost....

remember the feeling of being alone?? yah it's creeping back to me again... but i dun blame anyone except myself... i simply din want to mingle around and mix around... i tot i had to do more work... study more... read more... understand more... cos that's my main purpose coming to UNI... but... i dun seem to be able to understand much... not much progress in my assignments either...

to make things worst... even though i stayed in hall... i think i just made myself the most anti-social person around... super "guai lan"... din get involve in much hall activities... den also dun really know anyone in my course of study... haizZ...

just now went for dinner... see all the other vball ppl eating together... i really wanted to join them... but they all from same block... den me like so extra... den like no one ask me to eat togehter... den forget it lar... ta pao back to room and eat lor... just tell me myself say wanna do work...

i tot i'll be able to catch up in my studies... i'll be able to make frens... but it seems like being 2 yrs behind is really alot... and a cold start to UNI life din help at all... i'm way behind in my knowledge... it seems like all the hardwork i put in during my 3 yrs in TJ... remained in TJ... as for frens... i really dunno who to turn to... or how i shld approach ppl... things no longer work the way they used to be.... i'm an alien in a human world... my brain is not working... i cant seem to think logically.. my directions are too narrow...

i'm living in self denial... wallow in self-pity... tell me wat i shld do... how i shld do... i dun wanna think... i cant think... brain is dead.... i really feel like going home... to hide away from school... stay at home for good... and hope things stay the way it is for the rest of my life... i'm making myself feel so hopeless... talk about self-inducing uselessness... wat the hell am i doing with my life??

yesterday evening went to suntec & marina with yanli & my family... ate at swensen's... ate alot.. hehe... think i getting hooled on baked rice.. haha.. but that's not the main highlight... we went to comex 05 before dinner... and spend a very long time there.. esp at the apple corner... mummy bought powerbook G4... $4000+++ kaozZ... keep saying she no money... yet she wanna pay 1 whole dun want pay installments... kaozZ... she also bought 2 mini 80Gb HDD at $175 each... i think that's a super good buy lar... damn cheap lor... when i bought my HDD 2 yrs back... comething liddat will cost $300 plus...

today we went to suntec again... went to visit the food fare... met quite a few familiar faces... the food so so only lar... the whole place quite oily and sticky... stay too long very "gao wei"... yah lor...

still have do my hw... think later go back hostel den do... zZzzzZZzzz....

have been home since thursday... din go back to school on friday... only 2 lectures.. dun feel like going back for them... so boring... din do much at home either... do homwwork loh... zZZzZZZ

after 2 lectures and i'm back in my room... went to use the washing machine in blk A.. and quite paiseh to say the washing machine cheated me of $1.60... haha... cos the i din know how to use the first one... den change to another one.. thinking the first one was spoilt... den after paying for the 2nd one.. realised the 2nd one was really spoilt... den tried the 1st one again... and it was working... there goes $1.60.. hahaa...

yah also because of the stupis washing machine.. i could go find yanli for lunch... i bought brownies and apple pie form biz canteen for her one... but in e end she came to NUS to find me... so nice of her rite?? hehee... yah... she came down all the way to fine me for lunch.. cos anyway she goin biopolis later on... yah... so she got to eat the stuff i got for her and also a taste of NUS's canteen food.. we went arts canteen for lunch... but i think she rushing for time... no time to enjoy... well.. there's always another time...

now i'm still in my room... but i;m going out soon... going to parkway to send my laptop to sony gallery... see if they can do anything about the webcam... yah.. den go home for awhile... den going to a wake.. a fren's mum passed away... yah...