i'm dwelling in my room trying to do my tutorials.. done quite a bit... but at an alarmingly slow rate... with plenty of errors... i'm not afraid of making mistakes... but i'm so pissed that i dunno where i'm going wrong... so pek chek... duno what's wrong with my thinking leh... yet i really dunno who i can turn to for now... lost....

remember the feeling of being alone?? yah it's creeping back to me again... but i dun blame anyone except myself... i simply din want to mingle around and mix around... i tot i had to do more work... study more... read more... understand more... cos that's my main purpose coming to UNI... but... i dun seem to be able to understand much... not much progress in my assignments either...

to make things worst... even though i stayed in hall... i think i just made myself the most anti-social person around... super "guai lan"... din get involve in much hall activities... den also dun really know anyone in my course of study... haizZ...

just now went for dinner... see all the other vball ppl eating together... i really wanted to join them... but they all from same block... den me like so extra... den like no one ask me to eat togehter... den forget it lar... ta pao back to room and eat lor... just tell me myself say wanna do work...

i tot i'll be able to catch up in my studies... i'll be able to make frens... but it seems like being 2 yrs behind is really alot... and a cold start to UNI life din help at all... i'm way behind in my knowledge... it seems like all the hardwork i put in during my 3 yrs in TJ... remained in TJ... as for frens... i really dunno who to turn to... or how i shld approach ppl... things no longer work the way they used to be.... i'm an alien in a human world... my brain is not working... i cant seem to think logically.. my directions are too narrow...

i'm living in self denial... wallow in self-pity... tell me wat i shld do... how i shld do... i dun wanna think... i cant think... brain is dead.... i really feel like going home... to hide away from school... stay at home for good... and hope things stay the way it is for the rest of my life... i'm making myself feel so hopeless... talk about self-inducing uselessness... wat the hell am i doing with my life??