Reflections III

November n December are meant to be lull periods. Indeed feedback numbers have dropped. But why is there a sudden surge of things to be done and things to look out for? 

It is not easy trying to get things done during this period. People are clearing leave and the organisation is at doe what half strength, and yet productivity is expected to be up there. Expectations are growing and time is getting limited.

Bottom line is how much is enough? Are we expected to work 44hrs a week or do 44hrs worth of work a week. The two options are a huge world of difference. 

Making people work 44hrs can lead to 2 scenarios, 

1. The employee slacks during the 44hrs and gives a low output but still bring home same pay.

2. The organisation maximises the use of the employee and forces them to churn out work worth more than 44hrs in 44hrs. Organisation profits in terms of productivity, but socially it's kills the people. It kills me. The stress adds to frustrations and it becomes easy to snap and all sorts of things. A whole myriad of negative consequences are possible because of this sort of work culture.

In name, many organisations are moving towards promoting work life balance, flexible work timings, etc. I see many of these cases are just that, only in name. Because in actual fact, the organisations are still shoving like 60hrs worth of work into 44hrs.

The first step to real work life balance, work time flexibility is to be able to identify in your work scope, what constitutes work that can be completed in 44hrs in a normal pace with the regular breaks in between. Only when that baseline is established can employees empower themselves. Employees will then be able to judge more effectively what is over time, how to make the time spent flexible. 

But big question here is, who is so free to go and set out the base line work rate for each job? HR will not do it, because it takes away the grey area which allows the organisation to overwork you, and blame you for inefficiency. As an individual stuck in the vicious cycle of clearing work day after day, I don't see much opportunity or time gap available to do this.

~We are riding a sinking ship and we are bailing water by removing and using the very planks that form the ship.~

社会的脚步日渐加快。

我是否该迎头赶上，还是该豁达地坚持自己的脚步？

到最后是追赶的努力赞许，还因为追不上被遗忘？

在盲目追赶的同时，是否也忽略了人生其他的美好？

我想选择昂首阔步，自行自乐，享受每一个小确幸。

社会能否容许我散漫的步伐？

~ no one is good at juggling many things at a time. You start off with one and get good at it before slowly adding the rest. It takes time n hard work. ~ Cat Grant, Supergirl 

Reflections II - Perceptions and Impressions

Only after so long I was being told that my work in my early years were not seen as good. They were seen as slow, late, wait for things to explode, sweep things under the carpet. Woah! What a shocking revelation for me! 

Working hard in this day and age is just not being valued. It doesn't matter if you are handling over a thousand cases a year. It just matters that of the thousand cases, 300 were late, some exploded, some just did not get the chance to be dealt with. Did anyone ever cater in the fact that the normal amount we shld be dealing with is only 300? 

I always had the ideal that if u work hard, people will see your work and your efforts. Now I know for that to be true, the people have to be looking. And the unfortunate true fact for me is that those people looked for only certain indicators, so that they can make the easy decision.  It seems no one looked at the overall. When others cleared 300 cases timely, they have a 100% record. When I clear 700 cases timely do I get a 230% record? Nope! I got 70% only because I was able to handle the rest of the 300!!!!

What a fool. But the dumb thing is that I did not know until now. All long I still thought that they would be grateful for the extra work I've put in. That they appreciate me and in due time they would reward me for my efforts. How naive I was, how ignorant I still am. 

All along I've believed in doing as much as you can. And those things you cannot complete would precisely show them that help is needed. Unfortunately, that's not the game they play. They expect work that can't be completed to be raised for attention for help to get it settled. And that's precisely where I failed. I did not call for help to manage things. It's been so long, I can't remember how many times I've asked for help. The answer had always been it's coming, and when it finally arrives recently, I'm no longer a part of that team for almost 2yrs. And the bemusing part for me is that, they insist the increase in manpower is not due to the increase in workload during my time. It's the period after my time, which increase tremendously. Bull crap....

 

So what do I do now? I know that I've only put in more n more effort over the years and things are getting more stressful. Once again, I feel tired. 

Goodbye Uncle Soon Wah

It was Amber's first month, he came to visit and he was truly happy to see her. He had been in and out of hospital for some time since his relapse. He said that someone above knew that he wanted to visit Amber, hence made him better to allow him to see her. He was all smiles when he saw her.

I visited him some time back and knew that he was deteriorating but I did not expect that would be last time I'd see him. I was still expecting to see him still alive today. Even though I knew he did not have much time left, I thought I'd still have the chance to tell him again that in doing fine. I wanted to show him more photos and videos of Amber to cheer him up in his last moments. But I was too late. His mouth was ajar and his eyes had turned pale when I'd arrive. 

My mind just turned blanked. This is the frailty of life. Just gone like that. I feel very sad that he's gone. I feel sad also for Amber, as she would not be able see more of this grand uncle. He is a kind soul who would have undoubtedly made her life better. 

He had always been a kind person and definitely the most responsible one of his siblings. I don't have much memories of us spending time together when I was a toddler. But I believe I won't be wrong to say he had loved us as much as he could. I remember the early days when I was still living in queenstown, he still lived there. He would be working night shifts. Sometimes I get ice-cream.

Since my grandma passed on, he had been trying very hard to keep the family together. I know how hard he tries because every year he would contact me to arrange for a gathering. 

Aside from my mum, he is another glimmering example I have in my life, showing me that we have to work hard. Not just for us, but also the people around us.

It's the common character trait of the people in our family to not show the worries we have on our faces. It's doesn't mean we don't care, we just don't show it. 

Thank you for showing me that u cared. 

Thank you for your efforts for the family. 

Thank you showing me responsibility .

Thank you for working hard your whole life.

Now it's time for you to rest and worry no more.  Goodbye Uncle Soon Wah.

Reflections

是不是把我的冷漠解读成不在乎？

我不善主动开话甲，但是我会听。我听的不少，我在乎但，我不显露。我擅长以不同观点看待一件事，所以我能体会不同人的痛楚。这也是让我无奈的一件事，往往许多人不在乎另一个观点，只希望一昧而行。

我的领导有问题吗？

我的理念很简单；我以自己为榜样，我要求的事，除非我能做到，否则我不会要求你能做到。任何事情只要是我的要求，如果错了结果我会承担，我不会掉头跑人。

我的要求有过分吗？

虽然我许多做事的方法会跟以往不同，我都是为了能有好的改变。我会听别人的反馈，但是你要能说服我。我的要求，我希望能劝服，让人坦然接受，而不是仗势欺压，让人屈服。

我是否真的不够好？

我自认我已经把我会的都尽量了。我会的，我懂得，我尽量分享。高层与我们这些在前线的职员有严重的沟通问题。我多次试着做个知讯桥梁，让双方都能看对眼。若有任何疑问，我都尽量提供一个可以前行的方法，我从来不避讳。

难道我真的做的不够多？

能帮的地方我都帮忙。需要做决定的时候我也尽量不啰嗦。如果我能解决的事情，我都自己先把事情解决掉。我自己觉得我扛了许多担子，许多别人不想扛的责任。我曾经一个人作四人工，那是我觉得我的贡献没被重视。如今我也相当如三人工，我以为众所周知，显然非也。

是否工作输出量等同与工作时间？

我承认我的开工放工时间不定，偶尔会迟到早退，但是我更长早到迟退。真的有必要对这些时间斤斤计较吗？我对其他人的要求也一样， 只要一天下来，能做的尽量做，做不完还有明天。

所以我到底哪里需要改，告诉我。不告诉我，我不会知道。请当面告诉我，如果我不能面对，那是我修养不够。

今天我被转告的时候，又是一阵莫名其妙。

如今我不再能做通宵，我已经很累了。不够？找我聊聊吧，别让我觉得我在孤军奋战……

Chronicles of Fatherhood - Orientation over

It's been three months since Amber's arrival. She been an enormous bundle of joy. Although her hair has been the one attracting everyone's attention, she still have a well stocked arsenal of cuteness in her chubby face. 

Brought her to office after seeing the paediatrician on Friday. She was quite welcomed and attracted a lot of attention. She made me seem much more well liked by others. We were glad she's happy to be carried by others. Thanks for doing PR for daddy. 

In recent weeks, Amber seems to have realised she has a voice. Ever since then she's been practicing everyday. Everyday she seems to be trying to scream louder than before. Every time she seems to be trying a slightly different sound. Sometimes I feel she's singing along with the shows we are watching. I just hope she doesn't lose her voice with all that screaming.

I hope she remains happy and cheerful always. Please don't graduate from your cuteness too soon...

Chronicles of Fatherhood - a month has past

No wonder so many parents say time flies even faster when u have a child. And if you don't cherish your moments, they will past in a flash. They were right.

The past month whisshed pass in a flash. From roughing it out and my MIL's place, where Amber seems hot and cranky. To our new home in sengkang, where she is still occasionally cranky. 

The Many First Times -

1. Seeing flying poop.. Thankfully I wasn't the target..

2. Participated in bathing Amber

3. Changed her diapers

4. Changed her clothes

5. Putting Amber to sleep

6. Bring her out and carrying her most of the time

7. Survived a pretty massive first month and hse warming celebration

8. Survived a week ourselves without the nanny

Going through the past week, makes me wonder. How does one survive this without extra help? How did our parents do it without a maid or they parents' help?? Were things just that much simpler then? Or have we complicated the upbringing of a child too much. 

Complement that with my ridiculously heaping workload, I'm literally exhausted everyday even though I'm not too sure where the energy was spent. It's just draining....

I'm fortunate that I have a wife that managed many things at home for me. So that I could come home and enjoy Amber. She managed most of the organising of the first month and hse warming. She washes all the clothes and irons them for me. She takes care of Amber by herself when I'm out. Unpacks all the boxes of stuff that I bring home. Let's me indulge in my sinful cooking. Watch TV with me even though she's tired.

THANK YOU DEAR!!!!

Chronicles of Fatherhood - A new beginning

16 May 2016

1011am - we welcomed baby Amber. Everything was very smooth. Staff and gynae all said everything looked very good. I was actually skeptically wondering if that's what they say to all mums-to-be. Fortunately, we were really smooth. Two strong pushes was what it took. Epidural also helped shield a lot of the pain. 

Baby Amber is beautiful. I can't described how I felt when I held her in my arms. I was happy. Really happy. 

This is an entirely new beginning. This is real now. Amber is here!!!!!!!

Chronicles of Fatherhood - The Prequel part 2 - the Awakening

16 May 2015

4am - epidural is a very strong anesthetic. Wife totally can't feel her legs while the staff are getting busy fiddling ard. "6cm already! Good". How long more do we have? "Probably another 3 hrs." Okay time to try to squeeze in more sleep....

630am - once again staff are getting busy. "Very good, 9cm already. Shld be soon. Water likely to burst soon. Don't be afraid." With epidural, how to feel anything? So I'm earnestly looking out for dripping. It's getting so real. Butterfly population boom in my enclosure.

Chronicles of Fatherhood - The Prequel

15 May 2015

Noon - bought lunch back for my wife. She's complaining about pain in her tummy area and coming quite frequently. Judging by her usual low pain threshold, this seems very slight. Should not be a contraction.

Evening - after work, I met up with my wife at our new house where she had spent the day overseeing some deliveries. She's still complaining about the pain and she's timing the intervals. 

Dinner - she still held on through the pain and it still seemed bearable but the frequency is quite consistent. 

After dinner - sms the gynae about the situation. Gynae said it's likely to be contractions and sounds like labour. I still feel skeptical. 

9+ - went home and gathered the stuff and went over to the hospital to check it out. Still wondering if it's just false contractions.

10+ - hospital staff checking on baby's vitals. Finally sunk into my mind that this could be it!!!

11pm - hospital staff told me to go ahead with the check-in procedures. This is it!!!!! So much running thru my mind. Confinement nanny, Reno works, electrical works, etc. bills!!! 

16 May 2015, Midnite - epidural administered to reduce pain from the contractions. Dilation still ongoing.

2am - wife able to rest but I'm having a butterfly enclosure in my tummy. Not sure if it's the food from dinner or anxiety.

Goodbye LKY

It's been a week of mourning. Our country has been mourning the loss of our first prime minister, the man who led us into independence and into prosperity.

Radios had been bellowing out sad songs day and night. The television channels became like a private history channel about the man's deeds and speeches. It's like onions to my eyes day and night. 

This week, i believe many of us had learnt more about the man then we ever had known. I picked up a few precious lessons of leadership were picked up from some of the videos.

1. Be firm with your ideals, be prepared to defend them fiercely if you believe in them. 
2. Be open to other ideas. Give others the chance to sell their ideas and convince you if they can. 
3. Look at evidence and heed reason. Relations should not govern your decision. 
4. No one person is above the system. 

I sincerely hope these were also picked up by our current leaders at all levels so that we can continue his legacy.

He was indeed a tough man. who went through tough times. Circumstances made the man and we were the lucky ones who gained from the hardships his generation went through to realise the Singapore miracle.

Sunday afternoon, we watched his final journey from the Parliament House to UCC for the State Funeral. Listening to those eulogies given, just brought the man closer to us and at the same time raised him higher in regards. Once again it was onions in the eyes and it just kept coming.

Thank you for your life of service. Rest in Peace LKY.