Reflections II - Perceptions and Impressions

Only after so long I was being told that my work in my early years were not seen as good. They were seen as slow, late, wait for things to explode, sweep things under the carpet. Woah! What a shocking revelation for me! 

Working hard in this day and age is just not being valued. It doesn't matter if you are handling over a thousand cases a year. It just matters that of the thousand cases, 300 were late, some exploded, some just did not get the chance to be dealt with. Did anyone ever cater in the fact that the normal amount we shld be dealing with is only 300? 

I always had the ideal that if u work hard, people will see your work and your efforts. Now I know for that to be true, the people have to be looking. And the unfortunate true fact for me is that those people looked for only certain indicators, so that they can make the easy decision.  It seems no one looked at the overall. When others cleared 300 cases timely, they have a 100% record. When I clear 700 cases timely do I get a 230% record? Nope! I got 70% only because I was able to handle the rest of the 300!!!!

What a fool. But the dumb thing is that I did not know until now. All long I still thought that they would be grateful for the extra work I've put in. That they appreciate me and in due time they would reward me for my efforts. How naive I was, how ignorant I still am. 

All along I've believed in doing as much as you can. And those things you cannot complete would precisely show them that help is needed. Unfortunately, that's not the game they play. They expect work that can't be completed to be raised for attention for help to get it settled. And that's precisely where I failed. I did not call for help to manage things. It's been so long, I can't remember how many times I've asked for help. The answer had always been it's coming, and when it finally arrives recently, I'm no longer a part of that team for almost 2yrs. And the bemusing part for me is that, they insist the increase in manpower is not due to the increase in workload during my time. It's the period after my time, which increase tremendously. Bull crap....

 

So what do I do now? I know that I've only put in more n more effort over the years and things are getting more stressful. Once again, I feel tired.