there was only one purpose for today.. to go watch the A gers win against AJ... they have lost their last match to JJ and i was hoping they would see the light... understand that they no longer have anything to lose... they need to win AJ and win it big to have a CHANCE to get into the second round... i thought they shld have came out of the last game being stronger... being more confident, no more holding back... i somemore wentto tj before CCAB to watch them warm up... they look fine... seems hyped up for the game.. i was happy to see them... i told eileen i wanted to talk to all of them before going to CCAB cos i knew i wun have a chance once we are there.. it will be for the coaches to do their job liaozZ... but now i regret.. guess i shld have said something cos it seems they still dunno wat they are playing for today...

if we say they played poorly on friday, then today would have to be a total disaster... today's match really made them look amateur.. yah.. that's how bad they were today... it seemed to me fung also gave up hope half thru the 2nd set... mentally they are just too weak... skills wise they are in no way poorer that aj... they just lose it as the game started... lihui felt something was wrong starting form the 1st set... so did i as i sat outside looking at them play... sometimes i wonder is there anything i could do if i were on the coaching bench... i would really like to give them a good scolding on the spot... make them wake up... but will it really work?? or will they just breakdown further?

after the match fung, hay and i had a talk with them... i really did know wat to say at first cos i was still bewildered about their performance.. in my eyes they are a quality team... much better den the guys in almost every aspect... although the guys got the easier teams in their group i still expect the gals to be able to qualify... but i was wrong... i gave them a piece of my mind after fung and hay made their points... i guessed i was rather harsh... but i would have be harsher... if not for their teary eyes... guess they are still too young to understand the heartache those coaching staff feel... if we dun care we wun bother coming back so often... if we dun care we wun be there at the matches hoping to see them put up their best performance...

they were tearing even before i said anything... in fact i angry to see them cry... i feel they dun deserve to cry and did not even have the right to cry... i told there straight in their faces that their performance today was not just poor, it's horrifying... and they do not have the right to cry less eileen... cos she did not give up thru'out the competition... i saw her gave up today.. not in herself.. but the players around her... her spikers have totally lost their confidence and fighting spirit... from the 1st dropshot that i saw her made.. i knew she gave up on them.. and that was the end of the game.... she has invested all her confidence in all those in the court with her.. but she failed drastically in that deal... not an ounce of fighting spirit was apparent...

although i scolded them... i really felt a crinching feeling in my chest... my heart really ached... to see them being bowled out the competition liddat.. not even putting up a fight... it just made me feel damn sad... guess i'll be feeling more of these if i really become a coach...

in my 3 yrs in tj... we have always be underachieving... in my 1st yr... we were knocked out in the first round despite being champions the yr before... 2nd yr we only managed 3rd but not many of us had much to regret cos we put up a great fight along the way, kindda like a redemption for the mistake in the 1st year.. in my last yr... we shld have gotten 1st... but i wasnt really much in that team anyway... i was mainly a bench warmer... i was never a first team player maybe i just wasnt good enough... the main reason why i'm back in tj so often is because i missed those days... those days when we were all fighting for something... not for personal glory but just to put of a good fight no matter what kind of opponents we face... that's all i was looking for...